270 Days and All is Well

I’ve been dormant lately.  Thanks to Donetta for rattling my cage.  I miss this blog so I’m going to make an effort to get back.

Lots of turbulence in my life right now.  Sobriety is great, but it’s unfortunately not AUTOJOY.  The good news is that I’m better equipped to handle the bullshit.

So this is just a check-in.  I’m doing OK.  And I fully intend to start blogging again.  Gotta go, though  I just moved over 2000 miles and have a few things to put away .

Sometimes, I just want to say fuck it.  Is it really worth all this bullshit?

I just take a deep breath (sometimes metaphorically, sometimes not) and press ahead ——- eventually. 

Eventually is coming sooner every day, thankfully.

Trouble is – at what point does tolerance and acceptance cease being healthy and start becoming self-defeating? 

I guess that’s where intuitive thought comes in. 

Breathe in.  Patience, please.  Breathe out.

I am grateful for all of that.  And I value it.

Not everything in my life is perfect.  But that’s OK.  I’ll work through it.

It’s tough to live gratefully in the day every day.  But it’s much tougher to start over.

So I’m grateful for all that I have and curious where God is leading me.

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“No.  But you looked at me.”

“So?”

“Don’t play stupid.”

“I look at you all the time.”

“Yeah, but that look – I hate it!”

“What look?”

“You know what look.  You do it on purpose.”

“You’re crazy.”

“I knew it!  That’s the you’re crazy look”

…

“SEE!  There it is again!”

Life is good.  I’m approaching my 6 month chip and feeling very strong. 

Not everything is as I thought it would be, but that’s neither surprising nor in my control.   So I’m pressing forward and letting my higher power guide this thing wherever it’s supposed to go.

In the meantime – sobriety is fantastic.  I haven’t had to piece together a blacked out weekend in 5 months.  I haven’t said anything really embarrassing or stupid in 5 months.  My daughter hasn’t found me drunk, passed out or hung over in 5 months.  I haven’t driven my car drunk in 5 months.  I haven’t been frantic or desperate or insane with anger in 5 months.

I’m certainly not blissfull.  So I guess that means I’m sober. 

Hope you’re all sober, too.

I don’t know if I’m back to daily posting.  But I’m back for a bit.

• Watching another person deny their own alcoholism is  tough.  I’m looking for the right way to make an inroad, but the opportunity just isn’t there yet.  Waiting for someone else to find their own bottom is strange business.

• I’ve missed the last two meetings, both for good reason and with my sponsor’s support.  But I miss the group.  Or do I miss the meeting?  Nah – I miss the group.

• The concept of a God of my own understanding is key.  Properly understood and applied, it opens massive doors for a LOT of folks.

• I miss writing.  But I’m busy as hell with work and life in general.  C’est la vie.

• First things first.  I’ve read that before, but I just really NOTICED it today.  I have a problem living up to that.  It’s a great reminder for me.

• ‘Night, folks. 

I’ve been focusing on other things, like my wife and my girlz.  And I’ve also been avoiding the computer for the most part.

But no worries.  I’m still on track and stronger than ever.  In fact, I’m chairing my first meeting on Thurs night.

I imagine my blogging will ebb and flow to match my life and my available time.

I know that’s not the recipe for creating a popular blog.  But I’m really doing this for me.  I hope you folks stick around.  And I certainly enjoy reading your stuff.

Thanks to Donnetta Lee for checking in.  I’ll have more to say once my fifth step is complete (Monday).

Set to E-le-ven

Quick thought for the night.  The closer I am to my higher power, the freer I am from the bondage of self.  And that means more serenity.  

Blinding flash of the obvious for some.  Meaningful insight for me.

So, more higher power for me, please.

Happy B-day to youknowwho…

Bigger, please...

I’ve got a lot going on.  I have a 24/7/365  job and three young kids.  And I have sobriety, which is taking some time to entrench and settle in.  Add on to that marriage counseling and a personal trainer, and I’m booked pretty solid.

There’s more I’d like to be able to pursue – like my painting, my guitar, and finally getting serious about golf again.  And I’d also like to finally follow through on my promise to my daughter to take her fishing – serious fishing, not the last minute dock fishing crap I’ve been pulling off the last year or so.

I’d like to work with the older daughter on her math more.  And her soccer.  And her piano.  And her karate.  (She may be, uh, overscheduled?)

And I’d like to work more with my middle daughter on her soccer and her speech.  She’s lazy in her pronunciation.

I’d also like to take a week and help my wife get the baby to take a bottle. 

But all I think I’ll be able to do is the last one – because it involves taking a week off. 

I’m doing a lot right now.  I need to do a little more.  But my plate is overflowing at the moment.

I need a bigger plate.  I’m hoping getting in better physical shape will take care of at least part of that.

He was hot and irritated.  He felt small…used.  He just wasn’t into it. 

He thought he heard cleats on concrete.  Showtime.

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Go here and visit G-man.  More good 55s in the comments.