Still Breathing

270 Days and All is Well

I’ve been dormant lately.  Thanks to Donetta for rattling my cage.  I miss this blog so I’m going to make an effort to get back.

Lots of turbulence in my life right now.  Sobriety is great, but it’s unfortunately not AUTOJOY.  The good news is that I’m better equipped to handle the bullshit.

So this is just a check-in.  I’m doing OK.  And I fully intend to start blogging again.  Gotta go, though  I just moved over 2000 miles and have a few things to put away .

Day 161/162: Deep Breathing

Tolerance and acceptance = hard work. 

Sometimes, I just want to say fuck it.  Is it really worth all this bullshit?

I just take a deep breath (sometimes metaphorically, sometimes not) and press ahead ——- eventually. 

Eventually is coming sooner every day, thankfully.

Trouble is – at what point does tolerance and acceptance cease being healthy and start becoming self-defeating? 

I guess that’s where intuitive thought comes in. 

Breathe in.  Patience, please.  Breathe out.

Day 156: Gratitude

I have health, a loving family, a very good job, a warm place to sleep. 

I am grateful for all of that.  And I value it.

Not everything in my life is perfect.  But that’s OK.  I’ll work through it.

It’s tough to live gratefully in the day every day.  But it’s much tougher to start over.

So I’m grateful for all that I have and curious where God is leading me.

Day 152: Flash 55

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“No.  But you looked at me.”

“So?”

“Don’t play stupid.”

“I look at you all the time.”

“Yeah, but that look – I hate it!”

“What look?”

“You know what look.  You do it on purpose.”

“You’re crazy.”

“I knew it!  That’s the you’re crazy look”

…

“SEE!  There it is again!”

Day 151: Still Alive and Sober

What?  I’ve been busy! 

Life is good.  I’m approaching my 6 month chip and feeling very strong. 

Not everything is as I thought it would be, but that’s neither surprising nor in my control.   So I’m pressing forward and letting my higher power guide this thing wherever it’s supposed to go.

In the meantime – sobriety is fantastic.  I haven’t had to piece together a blacked out weekend in 5 months.  I haven’t said anything really embarrassing or stupid in 5 months.  My daughter hasn’t found me drunk, passed out or hung over in 5 months.  I haven’t driven my car drunk in 5 months.  I haven’t been frantic or desperate or insane with anger in 5 months.

I’m certainly not blissfull.  So I guess that means I’m sober. 

Hope you’re all sober, too.

I don’t know if I’m back to daily posting.  But I’m back for a bit.

Day 49: Quick Thoughts

 

 

 

• Watching another person deny their own alcoholism is  tough.  I’m looking for the right way to make an inroad, but the opportunity just isn’t there yet.  Waiting for someone else to find their own bottom is strange business.

 

• I’ve missed the last two meetings, both for good reason and with my sponsor’s support.  But I miss the group.  Or do I miss the meeting?  Nah – I miss the group.

 

• The concept of a God of my own understanding is key.  Properly understood and applied, it opens massive doors for a LOT of folks.

 

• I miss writing.  But I’m busy as hell with work and life in general.  C’est la vie.

 

• First things first.  I’ve read that before, but I just really NOTICED it today.  I have a problem living up to that.  It’s a great reminder for me.

 

• ‘Night, folks. 

Day 47: All is Well

Hello drunk blogging world.  I am well and still plugging along.  I haven’t been blogging lately – partly because I’m busy and distracted, partly because I’m at a transition point (step 4 to step 5) and haven’t been in the mood to blog. 

I’ve been focusing on other things, like my wife and my girlz.  And I’ve also been avoiding the computer for the most part.

But no worries.  I’m still on track and stronger than ever.  In fact, I’m chairing my first meeting on Thurs night.

I imagine my blogging will ebb and flow to match my life and my available time.

I know that’s not the recipe for creating a popular blog.  But I’m really doing this for me.  I hope you folks stick around.  And I certainly enjoy reading your stuff.

Thanks to Donnetta Lee for checking in.  I’ll have more to say once my fifth step is complete (Monday).